Ask Anything: First Father’s Day
A S K A N Y T H I N G
It’s our first Father’s Day since he left—all of us are feeling crummy & not sure how to handle the day?
This one is so timely! Here’s some of my thoughts based on our experience—
Be gentle with one another. Emotions may be big or very numb. Prepare for rest, time to process (outdoors if you can) a gentle schedule and early bedtime.
Honor the “fill-in” Dads in your life. Choose to thank the family members, church family, and friends who have stepped in to care for your kids. Write cards or bake cookies to thank the men who are investing in your family in the absence of a Dad.
Take off the superhero cape. There is a cultural narrative that says “Well done for being Mom AND Dad.” And while that might feel true or even deserved, let’s step back and admit it’s also impossible (and glory-thieving actually!) You can only be Mom! It’s a huge job! You are human and have limitations. You cannot also be Dad. The gaps left by Dad are actually an opportunity to honor and give glory to God who is holding your family together and being a perfect Father to your kids. It shows how he uses his people to care for broken families, and that’s a really good thing! Let’s boast in our weakness and the incredible strength of the One who is filling every gap with his faithful care through his people.
Help your kids bless their Dad. This may be controversial, but I have always helped my kids provide a gift for their Dad. It is an opportunity to lay aside bitterness and to choose to “bless instead of curse” (Rom 12) my kids’ Dad. It’s an opportunity for my kids to see me model a Christlike spirit of blessing even those who don’t deserve it (let’s remember our salvation!) And it’s a blessing to my kids because it alleviates the burden from their shoulders of trying to figure out how to pay for a gift. If this feels too hard, maybe ask a church friend to take your kids shopping for him?
Pray for your kids to know that God is so very different from a father who walks away. Pray for them to have eyes to see the only Perfect Father in their life and to lean into him for comfort and care.
Thoughts? What have you done to make Father’s Day a bit less painful?
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