Unmet Expectations

Spring of 2020 was unprecedented for us all. On Mother’s Day 2020, I found myself  exhausted, worn down under Kentucky’s “stay-at-home orders”, and desperately clinging to a marriage that was unraveling before my eyes. 

Mother’s Day, in my eyes, was all about me and my wants. I wanted to be cared for and I wanted a break. I was hoping for my husband to relieve me from being the default parent, offer me the flexibility to sleep in, cook for me and make cute hand-printed things for me from my daughters—all the while not making additional messes for me to clean! I didn’t get a single thing I wanted. I had unmet expectations. 

With teary eyes and simmering anger, I packed my two small daughters (2 years and 3 months) into the car and grabbed a few cake pops and a double shot from the coffee shop. I tuned into my church via Zoom since we were unable to gather in person. I sat alone in an elementary school parking lot on Mother’s Day. 

I didn’t get a break, flowers, or a nice breakfast in bed. What I did receive, was a loving text from my small group leader, lamenting with me over the state of my marriage. She gave me what my soul was actually craving. She offered me gospel truth and encouragement.  She reminded me that Mother’s Day is first, and foremost, the Lord’s Day. I am commanded to rejoice in Jesus, regardless if someone else is celebrating me. This wise saint helped me look upward to the cross and take my eyes off myself. 

I don’t remember the sermon, but I remember weeping through the whole thing, thankful that I have two daughters. I was grateful for the unorthodox respite in the car to pray and lament over my unmet expectations both on this holiday and my soon-coming separation from my husband. I needed a perspective shift that has now served me well as my divorce was finalized in 2021. 

Single Mom on Mother’s Day 

Over the last few Mother’s Days, I have noticed a necessary shift happening in our culture. We are taking more time to honor women’s stories who feel pain on Mother’s Day. I see posts and stories about grieving with women who aren’t mothers yet, mothers who have lost their babies in the womb and women who are estranged from their children or their own mothers. I want to take a moment to acknowledge an often-overlooked category….the single moms who have walked the hard road of unwanted divorce and abandonment. 

I have navigated this day as a single mom for three years now. Today, I want to offer a gospel hope, a perspective shift, and a few practical ideas to help single moms and those who wish to minister to single moms this Mother’s Day. 

To the single moms in this Restored Home community, what you and I desperately need this day (and every other day!) is the hope of the Gospel. While practical ideas and “treat yourself” moments might feel good for a day, they are fleeting. The true, and more important thing, to remind yourself on this Mother’s Day, is you are loved by a Holy God who sent his most precious gift, Jesus Christ, to save and redeem you. I am very thankful that Mother’s Day doesn’t fall on a spring Tuesday! Instead, we get to be with the Bride of Christ this Mother’s Day! Can I encourage you, at the very least, to go to church and allow the Church to minister to your heart through the singing and preaching of God’s Word? 

To the Church on Mother’s Day, I implore you to offer to sit with the single mothers in your congregation. Preach the gospel to her. Hold her hand and even stand with her if your congregation asks to honor the moms during the service. Even if these mamas love their church, like I love my local church, it can feel quite lonely on this day. She is going to survey the families taking Mother’s Day pictures on the front lawn and husbands caring for their partners— the mother of their children. 

Practically speaking, invite her over to your house after service, offer to take a handful of pictures of her and her kids, and even better, take a family picture with her and her babies! Maybe you could text her before the service and get her a coffee order or an extra stem of wildflowers from Trader Joe's as a surprise. As a mom of young kids, I am often touched out and overstimulated by little hands. It is a gift to a mom to have another mom embrace her deeply in a welcomed hug. 

Back to the single moms, here are a few practical ideas and some questions to ask yourself as we head into Mother’s Day. This is not an exhaustive list, but a few ideas for you to take or leave this year. I hope they will help bring joy to your weary heart this Mother’s Day. 

• Write out a list of things you wish to be true about this day and what capacity you might have to celebrate. It is okay for this to be just another normal Sunday. 

• Each season is going to require something of us. 

• Do you have an infant that needs your attention through the night? 

• Do you have a slew of toddlers that don’t know what Mother’s Day is? 

• Are you a single mom of teenagers? 

• Use the actual day of Mother’s Day as a celebration for your kids.

• Ask yourself, how would my kids want to remember this day? (Last year my daughters(4,2) loved baking, so I purchased two mini aprons and an adult apron. We decorated the aprons and then made a cake together. 

• This year my daughters are aware of the day, so we can do something more adventurous outside the home. We might do a hike or hang out at the trampoline park after church functions. 

• Do you like cards, flowers, or Mother’s Day crafts? If so, ask someone to help you. 

• Ask your babysitter to meet you at the store and have her help your kids pick out flowers and cards for you. 

• If you have school-age children, send their teachers a text and ask if they can make a card at school for you. You can also ask your Children’s Ministry Coordinator to help you with this at church. 

• Schedule a time on another day to do something special for yourself, if your budget allows (ex—a fancy coffee, manicure, exercise class or a night out with a friend). 

• Guard yourself from thinking that if it doesn’t happen on Sunday, it doesn’t count. 

• Strategically plan something ahead of time, so you can have a day to look forward to.

• Remember this day through prayer and journaling.

• Set aside a few minutes to journal about how you are feeling this Mother’s Day and ask the Lord to comfort you in your season. 

• Make this an annual practice and you will look back year after year how the Lord has sustained you as a single mom. 

• Reach out to other moms in the same season of life as you. 

• Write a message or start a conversation with a mom through the Restored Home community and encourage one another as you navigate motherhood after divorce. 

• Share with a trusted friend about your nerves or conflicting feelings about celebrating the day. 

• List out ten moms you know and send them a selfie of you and your kids to wish them a Happy Mother’s Day. 

As you prepare for Mother’s Day, I pray that you will be encouraged and spurred on in your mothering. Remember that the Lord is with you, sustaining you, bringing beauty from ashes. 

Loyally, one mom to another, 

Katie