You know those times that you are driving along on the highway and all of a sudden hit standstill traffic? As you inch along you have the sinking realization that there has obviously been an accident, and based on the slow-down, it must be bad. How do people respond in these situations? I think it would be fair to say 1% of people jump out of the car, run to the scene, work to stabalize those hurt, comfort those who are shaken, call in to emergency services, etc. And the other 99%? Well, we usually just stare, craning our necks to see more; working as amateur investigators trying to understand what happened, curiosity driving us mad. We conclude that we are not the ones who can, should, will help.

I think divorce in the church gets much the same reaction. When I learned of my husband’s infidelity, it felt like I was on the side of the road, my heart bleeding out, noise, chaos, trauma confusion, pain—so much pain. A small number of people jumped out of their cars, ran towards me (literally—dropped work, got on airplanes, raced to get to me). They were the ones who worked to calm the chaos, triage the immediate pain, hold me while I sobbed and surveyed the loss.

But most were onlookers.

In cases of divorce in the church, you and I will likely be in that position—the 99% that is looking on. How should we handle that? DEAR CHURCH…EMBRACE. Love from where you are. If you are near, love in practical ways—help with kids, provide meals, leave flowers on their doorstep, sit and listen, bake for them. You get the point. If you are far, love from where you are—send a card or takeout gift card, pray, don’t give in to gossip, pay for counseling, choose to not “investigate”.

Dear Church, EMBRACE by choosing to be an active onlooker. Work for the comfort and good of the broken wife and her children. Don’t just stare. Don’t turn your face away figuring others will act. Don’t gossip and dig for answers. Love well by embracing her. If you don’t know how, pray and ask the 1% who are up close what you can do. Choose to actively love. “Dear friends, we also must love one another” 1 John 4:11.