Dear Wounded & Angry Wife,
Some days are harder than others. There are times I wake up feeling so forgotten by God. Maybe I should rephrase that. I don’t feel like he’s forgotten ME–I know he loves me. But sometimes I feel like he has forgotten the wrongs done against me, or worse—maybe he’s even turned a blind eye to them? I live with deep wounds from the abandonment, betrayal, and rejection from my ex-husband.I still live with daily consequences of a shattered marriage.
And some days it feels terribly unfair that all these wrongs haven’t been called to account.
It’s a relief to see those words in black and white, but they also carry a heavy weight with them. My desire for revenge, for justice, can feel like a desperately slippery slope. I often feel myself grasping to these desires with a ferocity that scares me. Anger boils under the surface some days.
It’s incredibly hard to trust God will bring perfect justice to all this brokenness. Is that too honest to say out loud?
God’s justice is a difficult topic, isn’t it? It’s hard to swallow down the patience needed to wait for God to act in perfect justice. He is patient and kind, wanting all to come to repentance (2 Pt 3:9, Rm 2:4). That “all” includes the man who wronged me. Do I want that too?
That’s a tough question to answer and it reveals a not-so-pretty side of my heart. Because honestly, I’m not sure I think he deserves that.
I want God to be perfect (and swift!) in justice towards the one who hurt me. But when it comes to me, and my own sin, well I’d like his kindness and patience, please and thank you.
I did warn you that it’s not so pretty in my heart sometimes.
So what can we do when we feel conflicted about God’s justice?
Read His word. Pray His word. Confess not living up to his Word. Be changed by his Word.
Pray for patience as we wait for wrongs to be made right, for love for those who’ve hurt us (AKA our enemies), and for clean hands and pure hearts in the wait.
Don’t take revenge, leave room for God’s justice, love our enemies, do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good (Rm 12:19-21).
Dwell on the attributes of God. Knowing him better increases trust.
Forgive. Again.
Look to the cross. Again.