Dear Lonely Wife,

My unwanted divorce ushered in a deep loneliness. This makes me feel unwanted, bitter, unmotivated and hopeless. Dark thoughts threaten to take over my heart when I lean into my isolation. 

I don’t always get it right, but here are three places I’ve learned to turn when loneliness hovers—

I turn to Biblical lament.
The lament passages in the Bible are prayers in the midst of pain. They don’t shy away from suffering but admit that something is broken, that something hurts. These passages are honest about suffering, sin, grief, loneliness and ache. Yet they battle and work towards hope. The laments always include a turning point where the author moves towards God. I have found these Scriptures to be really helpful when I’m unsure how or what to pray. Some passages specifically geared towards loneliness are Psalms 25, 68, 73, 139. Check out our Lament series in our highlights and on our blog (link in bio). 

I turn towards my church family.
What a grace God has given us in the church! God makes a home for the lonely (Ps 68:8) in the local church. When I’m lonely, I lean towards my church. Is it always comfortable? No. But I have also never regretted it. Show up, send a text, invite people over. We may feel lonely, but we don’t have to be alone. The church is for your good (1 Cor 12) and that is very good news for the lonely.

I turn towards others who feel lonely.
I push myself to consider who in my circle is also feeling lonely today, and what I could do to make them feel a bit better. This is not natural for me, and it’s an area where I’m still very much seeking to grow. But this question changes my perspective in the best way possible. Taking my eyes off of myself and looking for ways to love others is so very life-giving and loneliness-crushing. Who could you visit today? Could you send a card, bake some brownies, drop off flowers, invite someone to brunch? Shift your focus to loving the lonely. I can almost guarantee your day will become brighter. 

What have you found to be helpful on lonely days? What have others done to encourage you? Share in the comments—we have so much to learn from one another!