Dear Rachel,
DEAR RACHEL,
If you told 5-year-old me about all the loss she would face, would she still grow up with stars in her eyes & hope in her heart?
If you told 22-year-old me that it would all shatter—every bit of it—would she still have walked down the aisle that day?
If you told 27-year-old me—baby on my hip—in ten years’ time, that shadow would no longer walk beside me, would I have stepped into motherhood knowing one day I would have to go it alone?
I’m glad I didn’t have the full picture at 5, 22, 27. I would’ve been far too afraid to keep going. My life has not turned out like I thought it would/should. There’s been far more pain than I would’ve written for myself.
But with all that pain, has come grace upon grace upon grace.
Here I am, about to begin lap 44, still breathing, still standing, still taking tiny steps forward. Sometimes crawling. Sometimes wanting to give up. ALWAYS knowing only Jesus holds it all together.
No, I wouldn’t have written it this way, but I’m thankful I don’t hold the pen. This story, this little life of mine, has value & purpose bigger than I would have expected. And so does your’s, friend. Your life is so valuable. Your story is full of purpose. I never expected to start a ministry for women walking through abandonment, betrayal and unwanted divorce. But here I am.
When God handed me this story it felt like poison, ash, burden—death, even. But over time, my Restorer has transformed my story before my eyes. It now feels like a gift that has brought me light, joy, peace, growth & friends in unexpected places. It’s taken time, but I now see all this pain as a gift.
Dear Rachel— you’re going to be ok. Yes it will hurt. So much. But keep the stars & hope burning. Walk down the aisle. Have and adopt the babies. The good so deeply outweighs the grief. And Jesus will be beside you every step of the way. It will all be worth it in the end.
Dear friend, wherever you are on your own grief journey today, I say this to you too: It will end up ok, good even—because the Lord will be so good, so true, so faithful to you too. I can’t wait to journey with you in the meantime 🧡
PS— And, yes, you still love dinosaurs 🦖🦕
