Why do the flowers come up in the spring? 

The ice isn’t finished, and the days are too short. The sun hides in the shadows of an early bedtime, and the frost graces the hill in the morning. And now, here they are, wildflowers pummelled by the rain. Such delicate beauty, thrashed by the storms. Is it weird to look at my window and feel sympathy for daffodils? Because I do. I can’t help myself. 

They thought it was safe to stretch up towards the sky. They opened themselves to the world around and were met by the harshness of winter’s remains…

Unfulfilled desires. We all have them. Your’s might look different than mine, but I have no doubt you share a similar heartsickness over the no’s you’ve received. Living in this world means living with desires that might be delayed or even left unmet. We were not made for this place. God has set eternity in our hearts and this world will just never live up (Ecclesiastes 3:11). 

So what do we do with these longings that ache within us? Where do we place the desires that will not let go of our hearts? 

It’s a question I’ve really struggled with…

There is something sacred about Saturday’s stillness in the passion account. The disciples didn’t have eyes to see that hope was brimming under the surface. They were full of grief and despair, longing and fear. But we are of those who see the dawn of Sunday. 

And yet, here we sit: BETWEEN.

The secretary at my lawyer’s office gave me a call to let me know the papers were ready and asked if I could drop by Friday to sign them. A lump immediately formed in my throat and I felt like I couldn’t swallow. After months of being dragged through a horrific legal mess, my divorce papers just needed to be signed and my marriage would be over.

We feel our weakness so deeply, don’t we? We need someone strong enough to bear the weight of it all. So, let’s pause in the messy in- between to welcome the grace of biblical lament into our lives. As we spend time reflecting on passages of lament in the Bible, we will push our hearts towards hope in the only One strong enough to bear the weight of such immense pain.

And hope sounds pretty good when life shatters, doesn’t it?

If you told 5-year-old me about all the loss she would face, would she still grow up with stars in her eyes & hope in her heart?

2,555 DAYS.

Seven whole years.

Seven years since the worst day of my life.

There is something sacred about Saturday’s stillness in the passion account.

The disciples didn’t have eyes to see that hope was brimming under the surface. They were full of grief and despair, longing and fear.

But we are of those who see the dawn of Sunday. And yet, here we sit: BETWEEN.

As I worked through the paperwork, tears streaming down my face, I wrote the date and all of a sudden realised that it was Good Friday. The darkest day in the history of the world—the Son of Man, slain for the sins of the world. His body broken and bruised, poured out as an offering. I lifted my heart up to Jesus in that waiting room and felt His presence so strongly in that room.

He had died for this very moment.

I beg You to look down at me- at the losses and broken places, the grief and the ache and say enough.

ENOUGH.

I beg You to say it.

Blow the whistle.

Call for a Season of Rest.

God, do you want to walk away too?

Am I easy to leave? Easy to replace?

Will you always be here, or does our relationship have an expiration date?

Where are you when the chair beside me is empty?

When we are not heard, we begin to believe that there is no reason to speak. We retreat further and further inward and in time, lose ourselves completely. I know this shame far too well. It’s my marriage story and it’s a painful one.

When "love" breaks your heart and walks away it's hard to trust that God's love is any different. When love feels only broken and shaky, look to the cross of Jesus and see, remember and meditate on a Love that has not, will not, could not end. Take note of the differences and remember, real Love NEVER fails.

David cries out in Psalm 13, “How long Lord?”

Four times we hear this same plea. Do you think his cries got louder and angrier with each “how long”?

Maybe I’m just projecting my own angst onto his words…

"Lament is prayer in pain that leads to trust…”

Mark Vroegop in Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy

He was despised and rejected by men,

a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief…

He tears me down on every side so that I am ruined.

He uproots my hope like a tree.

I will say to God, my rock,

“Why have You forgotten me?

Why must I go about

in sorrow…?

Blessed be the Lord, for He has heard the sound of my pleading.

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.

Has his faithful love ceased forever?

Is his promise at an end for all generations?

Has God forgotten to be gracious?

Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”