Every December, I feel my heart and body brace themselves for another blow. As twinkly lights sparkle in windows and the collective mood gets merrier, a sense of dread typically settles over my heart. I struggle to pull the Christmas decorations out of storage with my girls, and tears often fall.

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2,555 DAYS.

Seven whole years.

Seven years since the worst day of my life.

Friday, December 1st, will mark the 7th anniversary of my marriage shattering. I have a tradition of setting my alarm for December 1st with the label: YOU SURVIVED. And it’s true. We have.

How do you mark such a day?

Have you been cast very low this year? 

Are you reading this from the lowest point in the valley or the bottom of the pit? 

(Hi friend, I’m here too.)

We both agreed—we were ready to move out of our season of separation and work towards coming back together again. As husband and wife. As a family of four.

It was time to rebuild. And I was in. All in.

In cases of divorce in the church, you and I will likely be in the position of the 99% looking on. How should we handle that? DEAR CHURCH, help and embrace her. Love from where you are.

Sometimes I lay awake at night feeling like such a massive burden to the people who love me. I feel so needy all the time. My friends and family have never begrudged helping me—ever. But it’s still a struggle to believe that I’m not a total drain on them. 

Maybe you feel this way too? 

I don’t have all the answers, but here are four things I’ve been pondering…

I’m fine. I have it all under control, really!

(Except, I don’t. Not even a little bit.)

Life seems to get more difficult with each passing year. My needs stack on top of one another and it all feels like way too much. 

The truth of the matter is that I need help. And you know what I’ve found? That’s a very good thing….

Her marriage withered, and her vows faded, but the word of her God remains forever. It is vitally important for you to remind her that the Word of God is true and trustworthy.

She doesn’t need verses ripped from context or simplified into platitudes. In our culture of “coffee mug verses” she needs to hear a deeper message, a fuller story.

God is not a man that he might lie, or a son of man that he might change his mind… (Numbers 23:19)

I struggle with these words.

You see, I have trust issues. I loved a man who lied and changed his mind and it made me question everyone in my life.

There are two versions of my life. There is the life I was living that I very much thought was real. But it turned out there was another life happening under the surface and behind closed doors. And this life ended up being the truer story. For 15 years I lived a life I thought was true, real, secure. Then in an instant, my beautiful life began to crack.

If Jesus can bear eternally the weight of my sin, guilt, and shame, then surely he can carry the weight of my tears. He already carried and paid for the biggest burden I could ever carry when he paid for my sin on the cross. If he is strong enough to save me to the uttermost, then he is CERTAINLY strong enough to bear my daily burdens (Psalm 68:19).

God has set out the most intricate and precious plan for his people so they will never be alone. The local church is God’s good gift to believers—especially lonely ones! His Word speaks about the church in three ways that directly impact the lonely: the church as a family, a body & a building.

My unwanted divorce ushered in a deep loneliness. This makes me feel unwanted, bitter, unmotivated and hopeless. Dark thoughts threaten to take over my heart when I lean into my isolation. I don’t always get it right, but here are three places I’ve learned to turn when loneliness hovers…

There is a loneliness in betrayal and unwanted divorce that is hard to put into words.

I belonged to someone. In the most intimate and profound sense, I was his, and he was mine.

Until he was her’s and I was, well, no one’s.

Don’t wait for them to take the first steps. Open wide your doors, your homes, your hearts. Welcome them with the welcome of Jesus. Go after the one who is cast down and cast aside.

In one fell swoop, I lost HOME. The rug was pulled from my feet and I felt like a wanderer in the world. My husband had become my home in many ways, and his leaving turned everything upside down.

This is a table of abundance. My life is not a picture of scarcity and lack. I have been treated lavishly by my Generous Host. He has invited me to a feast. The psalmist uses language of extravagance here. What a beautiful picture of the grace we’ve been shown in God’s welcome!

Empty arms almost always lead me to turn my eyes to Jesus. It is typically our lack that drives us to his side, not our plenty. My unmet desires spur me to ask the question: is Jesus really enough?

I sat alone in an elementary school parking lot on Mother’s Day. 

I didn’t get a break, flowers, or a nice breakfast in bed. What I did receive, was a loving text from my small group leader, lamenting with me over the state of my marriage. She gave me what my soul was actually craving. She offered me gospel truth and encouragement.  She reminded me that Mother’s Day is first, and foremost, the Lord’s Day. I am commanded to rejoice in Jesus, regardless if someone else is celebrating me. This wise saint helped me look upward to the cross and take my eyes off myself.